Simple Rule

If you send me a question via email, expect my response via email.

Too Funny

I love The Onion. Satire at its best.


NFL Players Mentor Troubled Detroit Lions

Is it really that hard?

Email isn't some tricky program from the future, right?

Why is it that people can't check the To:/CC: lines before forwarding something?

Or check it before you walk down to my cube to tell me about the exact thing in that email, just to make sure I don't already know about it. And if I am copied on the email, and you have a question, try replying to all. That feature is there for a reason.

The Coffee Sign

This is the new sign by the coffee maker. it's totally yelling. a loud sign, if signs can be considered as such. bold, all caps, 1 billion pt. type.

We are all familiar with the concept I think - if you use the last of something that is used by others, please resupply. We'll call it the Toilet Paper Principle. Common courtesy. So I think that a gentle, friendly reminder would have sufficed.

My real issue is twofold. First, the directive itself:

• is there supposed to be a constant supply of coffee?
  
• is there a cut off time?
  
• you MUST make a new pot, even if it is 4:45 pm?
  
• how about at 2 pm? big coffee drinkers in the middle of the afternoon?
• do we need to have someone stay overnight to watch the pot?

at what point do you consider the pot empty?

• with less than 1 cup?
  
• btwn 1 and 2 cups?
  
• every last drop goes in to someone's cup?
  
• how much do you dump out to make a new pot?
  

So no, the rule is not simply you empty, you make more.

Secondly, the idea of the "rule" itself:

• who made the rule? The sign is, of course, anonymous. And lacks punctuation. And needs some grammatical help.
  
• can I make a rule? I would love to dictate a lot of things about the coffee here.
• is there a coffee cop that is going to enforce this?
  
• what is the punishment for breaking this rule?
  
• are we becoming a police state in regard to coffee?
  
• should i be worried about my civil liberties in the world of office coffee?

In all seriousness, do we not have more important things to worry about? You took time away from your job to make that sign. Surely there was something better you could have done with your time.

1,000 people

How many people work here? I swear they are all in front of the coffee maker at the same time.

sick of excuses

Have you ever been to a bar or restaurant where they ring a bell when they get a tip? BDs Mongolian BBQ is one of those places. It's fun, you put a dollar in, they ring a huge bell, everyone in the place looks up and knows what's going on.

I think there should be a corporate equivalent of that, except instead of it being for tips, it should be when someone sucks. and instead of dollars, you put in coupons for a beating with that person's name on it. Like dropping in business cards for a free lunch. So every time someone fucks up, you get to ring this huge gong and everyone in the place prairiedogs to see who fucked up. And you get to yell that person's name.

And once a week, we get to draw the name of the lucky winner.

office chair

apparently i can either have the seat of my chair parallel to the floor and recline or slope forward and have back support. for real? if you are going to put eight levers on a chair for adjustments, shouldn't they actually do something?

going green

explain to me why you would type up a birthday list for your department, print a bazillion copies, and put one on every person's desk? maybe you could be a little more "green" and just email that shit.

on a related note, does anyone really fucking care about coworkers' birthdays? Is this elementary school? are we going to bring in cupcakes to have after nap time?

I know the problem

The problem with large companies is that everyone pretends that all of the people are great. So if something is not perfect (production, profits, whatever), it must be a problem with the processes. or the facility. or the technology. when really, it's that there are a few suck ass people that never get called out.

at least that's how it works where i am.

coffee, part 2

I really want some coffee this morning, but there are people standing near the pot talking. socializing, not work-related. i don't really want to talk to them. after all, i haven't had any coffee yet.

One person refers to his kids as "the daughter" and "the son." kind of strange.

Seriously, how much small talk can two people make?

coffee

so with the boss gone, the office suck up hasn't made coffee in the morning. as a result, the first pot of the morning has been vastly improved!

don't want to be here

coming back to work after time off is awful. worse if you didn't have a good week off.

i need a different job.

Quotes in your signature

I really hate quotes in your email signature. Unless they are from Star Wars.

holiday traffic

holiday traffic is pretty much annoying. there should be some sort of rule that says if you are traveling for a holiday, you cannot travel during normal commuting hours. you must leave after 9 am and stop driving between 4 pm and 6 pm.

no more news

i have decided to try to stop looking at headlines or watching the news. only because there seems to be a lot of horrifying stories involving the death of babies. i know i'm more sensitive to this because i am a new mom. that new sensitivity is crushing though. these stories were disturbing before, but now they make me physically ill. heartbreaking. i cannot comprehend hurting an innocent child, much less kill another human being. i never gave much thought to the death penalty until i became a mom. now i'm pretty much all for it.

ok, i will get off my soapbox now.

dream job

I wish i could find a job that would pay me to listen to music all day. that is my dream job. i would even listen to country and bluegrass, wouldn't matter.

headphones = no small talk

Why would you talk to someone with headphones on? And when they barely respond and/or fail to remove the headphones, why would you continue to talk to them? Can there be a more obvious sign that you are not in a talkative mood? Take a (big) hint already!

is it laziness?

do people lay in wait for a new pot of coffee? i can walk by the pot 6 times, and there will be less than a cup on there. But if I make a new pot, it disappears within minutes, sometimes before I even get a cup myself.

So the question is twofold - one, are people hiding around the corner, hoping someone else will take that last half of a cup? because if you empty the pot, you should feel obligated to make a new one. and two, how lazy are you that you will spend more effort on avoiding making a pot than actually making the pot of coffee?

TPOD: gawkers

enough said.

TPOD: oh no, a curve!

I hate being behind drivers that can only go fast when going straight. 10 miles an hour under for any and all curves, 5 miles over on all straightaways.

so irritating.

TPOD: blinkers aren't optional

Since when did blinkers become optional? I really think it's useful to know when someone is about to cut over in front of me. I would like to be prepared to stop. Or if I'm waiting for you to pass me so that I can pull out of my driveway, but it turns out you are turning at the corner right before my house - would have been nice of you to let me know.

TPOD: Leapfrogging

More people should use their cruise control. Peeve of the day is when someone speeds up, then slows down, then speeds up, etc, so that you end up passing them and getting passed by them repeatedly. The car equivalent of playing leapfrog.

Use your cruise control. When you pass them, you should keep on going. And don't look back.

Punctuality Myths

• Being a few minutes late is a terrible offense that one can not atone for by working a few minutes later.
• Being late is a sign of disrespect for one's boss.
• If one person is late, everyone will think that it is ok to be late.
• It is ok to leave your desk a few minutes early so that you can be at the time clock at the exact minute your shift is over, but if you are not at your desk at the start of your shift, you are late.

Work ethic should not be judged by punctuality. It should be judge by perseverance, productivity, professionalism, performance, probity, you get the idea.

traffic peeve of the day

People who slow down to under the speed limit when they see a police car. I have to say that by the time you see them, they have already clocked you.

Also, under the speed limit? For real? I don't think that they average your speed - "Oh, that guy was going 10 over, now he's going 10 under, so it averages out to the speed limit. I'll let him go."

If you are so worried about getting a ticket, don't take the risk in the first place. And if you do speed, be prepared to pay the price.

Now get the fuck out of the left lane.

repeat messages

Why don't people look at who an email was originally sent to before they forward it on? I often get the same email from multiple people who never look to see that i received it originally. i don't forward it to them. Reading is detrimental i guess.

traffic

It seems like every day I come across a different trafffic/driving issue that annoys me. I think I could almost do a daily issue.

So for today, it's people that drive under the speed limit on the express way. how annoying is that? as well as how dangerous is that? expressways work because there is a reasonable expectation that everyone will maintain the same speed. well, at least within the same speed range. So how scary is it when you come up on someone going 10-20 m.p.h. under? didn't expect that. i certainly hope my brakes are good. so annoying.

pet name pet peeve

i really don't like when other people that i know casually use pet names for my kid. i think that they mean well, and may not even realize they are doing it, but he has a name, it's AJ. there is one perpetrator in particular and i have decided that it will be a new feature: pet name of the day.

Today's name is Sweet Pea.

In my wheelhouse

Top five new songs tickling my brain:
Ida Maria - I Like You So Much Better
Thermals - Now We Can See
Glasvegas - Geraldine
Coconut Records - Microphone
Von Bondies - Pale Bride

Mobile

Just set up blogging from my phone. Ain't that cool?!

Disappointment

There are few things more disappointing than weak coffee. You get to work, you get your cup out, stumble to the pot, pour some black gold. Maybe you add some creamer, some sugar, its aroma teasing you, the steam inviting you to wake up. You sit down, get ready to start your day, you take that first sip.......

what is this shit?! hot water with cream and sugar. where's my liquid energy? So disappointing. Then what do you do - dump it out? suffer through it? after all, you put all that effort in to adding just the right amount of cream and sugar. And even if you did dump it out to start over, there's the issue of the remaining half a pot of faux java mocking you on the warmer. Do you dump that out as well? Someone must like it this way, even though you can't possibly understand who or why.

so disappointing.

Animal House

A coworker recently said that Animal House was a dumb movie. I say this is sacrilege!

avoidance strategy

technique for avoiding the office talker:
stare intently at computer screen, mutter to self, furrow brow, and start clicking furiously.

note: this only works if you catch the talker approaching peripherally. you're done if you make eye contact.

Conference Calls

If you are on a call and you actually have a door, you should shut it so that the rest of the floor does not have to listen to the call. Or take it off of speaker phone. Please!

check your email

for outlook users:
there's a little envelope in the bottom of your screen that tells you that there is a message waiting. perhaps you should read it. it could be important. it could be from me telling you that i can't do my job until you do yours.

it's your job

how can someone be in customer service that won't pick up the phone and call a client? it's your damn job. Seriously - you are going to put more effort in to avoiding the task than actually doing the task. Ridiculous!

And how can someone like that keep their job?

AJ @ work

Here's a video of AJ playing today. It's a little grainy since it is from my phone on med. quality. I will hopefully get some better video this week.

Friday Traffic

why is friday traffic so different? are there people that only drive on fridays? twice as many cars as monday through thursday, all going half the speed of normal, all in the left lane. just get over!!

picture puzzles

ok, the "find the differences in these pictures" puzzles are more addictive, but the real or fake is fun too.
Real or Fake photo?

ads...

to add ads or not to add ads...they are annoying, but it would be cool to get money for nothing. have to think on this one for a bit.

Hurray

here is my first post....now that i actually have this set up, i have nothing to rant about. give me a few minutes - something is sure to piss me off shortly.